I Want to Care But I Don’t: My Opinion on the Blumhouse Halloween Retuns Movie

I want to warn everyone up front here that I may be about to sound like the biggest D-bag on the internet in what I’m about to say. If I do, then that’s a pretty big accomplishment. The thing is with the love everyone seems to have for Halloween, in general, these days going against the grain and voicing concern in the latest film produced by Blumhouse that started filming a couple days ago might be enough to get people after me with pitchforks. I should probably say that while I have a soft spot in my heart for Halloween like I do pretty much every other long-standing horror franchise from the 80’s it isn’t something I’d call my favorite. It isn’t even close. As a matter of fact, I’d have it ranked somewhere either before or after The Texas Chainsaw Massacre depending on what day of the week it is and easily after Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. I still care about it, but not as much as I do other stuff. But some of the news regarding the new film is really zapping my ability to care away.

At first, I was happy. But I think it might have been just due to the fact we were finally getting one of the “big 4” horror films back off the ground. We’re intentionally leaving out the fact that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre just got a sequel released on Blu-ray because it was awful and I want to try to forget about it. But Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street both seem stuck in some form of developmental hell with no resolution in sight. But somehow Halloween thanks to Blumhouse got through this much and got well on its way to becoming a reality with a new film being developed and actually starting the process to get made. I was pretty happy at first but here are some reasons why I’ve since felt my ability to care for this film go from 100 to 0 real quick.

I’m Not Sold on Danny McBride and David Gordon Green Writing the Script
I may not be sold but people over at Blumhouse were and the script was done and now being shot. While you have to start somewhere and this duo could end up being the next Romero and Russo for all we know, I just don’t see how you get the keys to the city handed over to you that quick. Was their idea really THAT good? I’d have rather them proved themselves with another horror film first but I’m not the dude who makes those calls. In especially McBride’s case he’s known for comedy. Sure, he might love horror but does that make him a good horror writer? I was a caregiver for years and I love wrestling. I could probably come up with a good idea about it. Does that mean I’ll be booking WrestleMania this year? Probably not.

John Carpenter’s Involvement Doesn’t Mean Anything Because He’s Only In It For the Money
I’m sure we’ve all seen that video where John states that his opinion now on Halloween was that he opens his hand and people put money in it. Well, by being involved the same thing is happening but I’m sure he’s getting more in it this time. What’s he really going to do besides approve a script and try to remix the theme if that? Honestly, you could toss this movie in John’s hands and let him write a script and direct and I’d not be excited. Old John was great. The John that made The Ward… Not so much. This basically means nothing at this point besides giving Blumhouse a good name to drop for PR with the new film.

The TimeLine/History Renigging Is Going to Be a Mess
Yes, I know they are going the “alternate timeline” path for this and I think that sucks. I was more on board with this one when everyone assumed it would be a “legit” Halloween III taking place after what we saw in Halloween II and ignoring everything else. But the word on the net is this one takes place following what took place in part I, which isn’t too awful I suppose. But then they say they will be “altering” a few things we saw at the end. That does NOT sound good… at all. Since we won’t have Loomis and I’m sure a CGI Loomis is out of the question, does that mean Myers gets up from the fall and kills a stand-in Loomis before we flash ahead to the new stuff? Sounds a lot like a remake of Halloween H2O in some ways, doesn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong here, I hope Halloween Returns ends up being this awesome movie that gives horror another bright spot at the box office and gives hope for other franchises returning to glory. When the IT remake was originally announced it had more than a few naysayers remember? And look how that turned out. Let’s hope that’s the case here. I do think it will be great having Jamie Lee Curtis back. Let’s just hope they don’t make the same mistake Halloween: Ressurection did and use her wrong or even worse, kill her off AGAIN. I just have a bad feeling heading into Halloween Returns and that makes me feel pretty well deflated about the film, but I guess in October we’ll all find out if that worry was for nothing or not.