Massage Parlor Of Death (2014) (DVD Review)

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Massage Parlor Of Death (2014) (DVD Review)
Directed By: Richard Mogg
Starring: Michelle Kaveet, Kaitlyn L. Yurkiw, Kevin Paynter
Rated: UR/Region: 0/Widescreen/Number of disc: 1
Available from SRS CINEMA

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Ruby, an unlicensed massage therapist, has a nasty habit of killing her clients in the most horrific ways. Using the blood of her victims, Ruby attempts to resurrect the deranged spirit of her long-dead lover. But will her newly-hired hooker “”employee”” throw a wrench (or more) into the mix? You’ll have to find out in “”MASSAGE PARLOR OF DEATH””… where there are NO HAPPY ENDINGS!

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Oh, SRS Cinema! I do have a soft spot for these guys and I do love a few of their releases. Going by just the cover alone, you kind of want to love a movie like Massage Parlor of Death. Instead when you actually watch the film you realize that it is more of a throw-back than just in the way of the cover art. This is like one of those 1980s straight to video horror films with an awesome cover that is soo awesome that the movie can’t dream of living up to it. The movie isn’t good. I hate to be that blunt, but I just didn’t dig it. It should be easy for me to just come out and say I didn’t like it, but there are still parts of it that I admire, even if I didn’t like it. The movie is here in two forms, there is the “HD” version in the extras, but I went with the full screen grindhouse version, that despite being an HD film is doctored up just enough that you’d believe it to be some old school 80s shot on video horror film. The film looks the part perfectly. Heck, I’d say that the film perfectly captures the tone, feel, and look of a rare shot on video horror film. It also is just like those right down to the part of it being really bad, which nine times out of ten, those movies were all really, really, bad. Maybe that is what they wanted? I don’t know, but this darn thing is just too repetitive.

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Our plot is pretty simple. We have a crazy girl running a massage parlor and she kills everyone that comes to it. The kills, acting, and gore are pretty funny, but in style with what the movie is trying to duplicate. The film is just about an hour long and it plays the same old pattern of someone coming to the parlor and being killed way too much before it ever tries to switch things up. At that point our leading psychopath is joined by another girl, they team up in ways, and then other things finally happen. It drags on way too long and it seems like the joke (if this this could be counted as a joke) runs far too long and runs out of steam about thirty minutes in, which isn’t good. I know the budget was low and that was the point, but it just didn’t do anything for me overall. Perhaps, one day, this will follow the path of the movies it set out to be and become a underground collector’s item. Ya never know, stranger things have happened.

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Extras

– Analog and HD versions of the movie
– Commentary track
– Making of
– Bloopers
– Trailer

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