Sexsquatch 2: Teen Ape Vs. Sexsquatch (2015) (DVD Review)
Directed By: Chris Seaver
Starring: Meat Mackidooviack, Sandra Pullwad, Fart Fallomiato
Rated: UR/Region: 0/Widescreen/Number of disc: 1
Available From SRS Cinema
ears have passed since the sexual onslaught of Stinkfist, The Sexsquatch, a horned up Big Foot like beast who killed and violated the nubile teens at Blood Stool Creek. But you can’t keep an interstellar sexual species like the Sexquatch down for long! Another of the species, FIST STINK, has landed on Earth to unleash his own special brand of love on the population. But Fist Stink has learned of another sexual dynamo who is horning in on the his Casanova-like business – Teen Ape, known around the universe as the one true lover and leaver of woman, is cutting into his game. When Teen Ape and his friends get together to throw an ultimate sex party, Fist Stink crashes the good times, challenging Teen Ape to a contest to see who is the most powerful sexual devastator of them all.
Well, it is that acquired taste that is a Chris Seaver movie under his (apparently now defunct?) WarLock Video banner. While his movies have always been very hit and miss with me, I admit to kinda liking the original Sexsquatch film. Teen Ape, on the other hand, never was my cup of tea. Much of the same couple be said about a lot of the characters he keeps tossing in movies. The joke seems to be that they always die but are always brought back alive for the next movie only to die again. This time we have the Sexsquatch and the Ape in a battle to the death. A battle fought over how many women each can have sex with. The Ape just wants to do them, while the Sexsquatch wants to kill them as well. A few jokes work here and there but mostly this time around I found the film to be a bust and really repetitive. We’ve seen all this before from Seaver. As crazy as things tend to get, we’ve seen this before. The movie offers up some T and A, but even that probably won’t be enough to make anyone get more than a random chuckle here and there out of it. The plot it packs is as thin as a roll of toilet paper from the dollar tree and that is meant in the more than normal level of Warlock thin plot-ness. This one is short and not very sweet of a watch at all.
I would feel pretty bad about giving this movie such a bad review but Chris himself knows how bad this one is. Perhaps even better than the movie (and it isn’t hard to top) is the audio commentary with Chris and his friends. In that commentary, he talks about how much he hates this movie and how over making them he is. This was done because SRS wanted it and fans donated money for it. Sadly, the ship has sailed on these style of films and Seaver knows it. If he’s as out of love with this style of film then I hope he doesn’t put himself through the trouble and torment of making another. Sure, he will be leaving this stuff behind on a very bad note with this movie, but I do look forward to what he does next. Unless you are just a hardcore fan of Chris Seaver I’d stay far away from Sexsquatch 2: Teen Ape Vs. Sexsquatch. A movie that is probably only topped by Shark Exorcist as the worst indie horror film I’ve seen this year.
– Director and Cast Commentary Track