Thor the Conqueror (1983) (DVD Review)
Directed By: Tonino Ricci
Starring: Bruno Minniti, Maria Romano, Malisa Longo
Rated: UR/Region: 0/Widescreen/Number of disc: 1
Available From Full Moon Entertainment
A tale of mythology and magic, of how Thor, a legendary god, triumphs over overwhelming odds to great victory and the destruction of his foes. His parents were slain at birth. Thor is raised by Etna, the birdman. Taking the beautiful warrior virgin, Ina, as his companion, his exploits lead to a confrontation with Gnut, the slayer of his father. Blinded, how can Thor overcome Gnut and his horde’ Watch the story of Thor, The Conqueror, to this day recalled in legend and in rock drawings. Starring: Conrad Nichols, Maria Romano, Christopher Holm, Malisa Lang, Raf Falcone.
Thor the Conqueror is nothing more than the Dollar General version of Conan the Barbarian. Now, this Italian trip into sword and sorcery is extremely cheap, but it also has its charm. We witness the murder of Thor’s parents at the start. We see swords turn into snakes, we see Thor as a baby take an arrow, but you can’t stop the mighty Thor! Not even as a child! We flash forward and see Thor has grown into a very hulking man-child under the watchful eye of his father figure, who saved him as a baby and also turns into an Owl. We watch as he learns to fight, learns how to force a woman into sex, and we see him mature a bit, find a relationship, and go for revenge against those who killed his parents. You can tell that the whole movie takes place on what looks like a very small portion of land. There isn’t elaborate scenes or sets here, mostly woods and cheap props. Maybe that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I enjoyed it, more or less. Of course I watched it at 2 a.m. while hyped up on Dr.Pepper. That might have helped.
This weird and humorous movie was actually known as Beastmaster II in some parts of the world. Being an Italian film, I’m shocked it wasn’t called Conan 3 or something like that. I could understand where some might hate this and I can also see where others might have a very good time with it. We see a grown man talk to snakes, owls, fish with his bare-hands, basically rape women (the hero of the movie no less), and do it all with very little in the way of a real plot for the most part. Cannibals show up, people have their eye’s burned out, babies take arrows, and we even get some nudity! I guess when you just list all of that you can see why I found it very enjoyable in that live-action car crash type of way. It also helps that for a Full Moon Grindhouse release, it actually comes in widescreen and looks really good. If you like sword and sorcery, you might like this!
– Charles Band Intro
– Grindhouse Series Trailer