Casting Ichi The Killer For America!

In 2001 the land of the rising sun (that would be Japan) was the home of one of the most disturbing and twisted films anyone had ever seen. A film called Ichi The Killer, which was directed by Takashi Miike and based off a Manga of the same name.

Shockingly enough there has been no rumors or news of an American remake of this film as of the time of me writing this. Perhaps it’s for the best because I think we all know being American-ized would mean being watered down and this film would be a shell of it’s self it was to ever be watered down much less remade. Yet you have to assume that one day this could very well be what happens with Ichi The Killer.

So with the best intentions I decided to rack my brain for an afternoon and try to come up with the proper (dream) casting for such a film if it was ever to be made. Notice I said dream because lets face it, at the end of the day the casting would probably look nothing like you or I would have ever hoped for. But with the notion that this is after all only *my* opinion of good casting, lets see what I came up with shall we?

Sure the movie may be called “Ichi” The Killer but rest a sure the character that made the film was Kakihara who was played brilliantly by the great Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano. The funny thing is many consider Asano to be the Japanese Johnny Depp, so why not just have Depp himself in the role of Kakihara if an American remake was to ever happen? I’m pretty sure he could more than play the role well. But you know what just hit me? What would be the odds of the Japanese Kakihara getting a name change in an American remake? I’m sure they wouldn’t keep the foreign names.

Ah yes, Ichi…who is The Killer! If there’s one phrase you could use to label Ichi other than The Killer it would be Bumbling Idiot! And who better to play the whiny role of  Ichi other than McLovin himself, Christopher Mintz-Plasse?? Christopher has shown in such films as Kick-Ass that he could somewhat move away from the McLovin role and I think this would be a grand way for him to do so. Michael Cera would probably be my second choice but I’m still not 100% sure Cera could act as retarded as he’d need to be for the role.

Now we’ve come to the little man who turns out not to be so little when the going gets tough in the movie. Now Jijii may be jacked but that could easily be fixed with CGI for anybody and you know CGI would be involved.  But if you want someone who could play the role of evil manipulating genius perfectly it would be the great Kevin Spacey. Spacey tends to pour his all into role that aren’t that great (Lex Luther anyone?) so just think what he would do in a role as good as this one? I think he could steal the show in this role.

Now we have Karen, the boss’ girlfriend who believes when the boss comes up missing that he may have very well have taken the money and ran. This would be a roll that just calls for a crazy hot woman who can also play the role of crazy, as Karen isn’t very stable. So in a role like this I’d call for the power of the Toethumb and cast super hot Megan Fox! Hate her or love her I do believe she can act when she isn’t being forced to fake a country accent. And for all of those who hate her I think you’d enjoy seeing what happens to her in the film. So see? Everybody wins!!

If there ever was a model henchmen it would be Kaneko. A man who not only is loyal to the boss until his dying breath but is balancing the busy schedule of being in a gang with the job of being a father as well. When nobody is left to help Kakihara (cause they are all dead) Kaneko stands ground and is ever the loyal solider. After all, he feel he owes his life to the boss. So who could play such a role? Luke Wilson! I think Luke is very underrated and deserves a life much better than cell phone commercials. This could be his chance to prove that.

Now I know there’s a whole slew of other characters but this is the major ones so I just went with them. Do I have anyone who agrees or disagrees?