Well, it sure didn’t tickle my gooch any!
Dark Waters (1993)
Directed By: Mariano Baino
In the long long history of movies that aren’t THAT horrible, but just aren’t anything good to make me really care. We have a film from 1993 called, Dark Waters. Was it horrible? No, I’m afraid not. But it sure as hell wasn’t good in my opinion either. Sometimes as I live on in the old old age of 28 year young, I ask myself if at my young-ish old age if I’m not just too picky sometimes. But when I answered myself, like I always do, I told myself “No, Chuck! These people just need to make better movies. And by the way, you are a sexy sum bitch!”. I then feel a little better about myself. Oh by the way, here’s my review for Dark Waters.
Elizabeth is tortured by horrible visions from her childhood. She travels to a primitive island to discover the truth about her dark past. On the island Elizabeth finds a malevolent order of nuns. There seems to be no escape from the menacing evil that inhabits this strange island. and while it’s not horrible, per say. I found myself just not all that impressed overall and I did yawn a time or two. That’s OK and all isn’t it? I couldn’t help it. I really did try to stay wide awake, but the pace of this one just didn’t help.
In 1993 Hulk Hogan won the WWF Title for the fifth time at WrestleMania 9. My favorite baseball player, Fred McGriff, was traded from the Padres to the Braves. And apparently the world got this movie here. While the film’s plot is at times a bit of a head scratcher, and while it’s not really too awful, it still just did nothing at all for me. Surely you’ve ran into a movie before that wasn’t that bad but still you just couldn’t get into it no matter how hard you tried? And believe me my brothers and sisters, I tried tried tried and I failed failed failed to care about Dark Waters.
My main issue with this film here goes along with the fact that I believe we only had about 40 minutes of real story and it gets dragged out to a full length film. There’s a lot of times in this one here where stuff is going on but really nothing is going on. If you can get what I am sayin? I mean come on, people. Just smell what The Chuck is cooking. When you do that and delay stuff for the sake of it, you get a movie that has a horrible pace and the acting, while not bad by any means bad, just isn’t jumping out of the TV and keeping you interested.
If you are like me and you try to watch this one and you end up bored. And I would bet money that you more than likely will end up bored. Once you’ve finally pushed on like a trooper and made it to the end, you’ll find a rather odd and very unrewarding end that doesn’t do much to make a whole lot of effin sense! Now the movie looks OK and all that. I’ll give it that, it at least looks really cool and nice. But it’s just dripping with too much “blah” juice to really hold your attention or to make you care about it while it’s playing or to even remember that much about it once it’s over.
It’s just soo hard to find a good horror film about Nuns these days isn’t it?? After seeing this film had a pretty swank looking special edition DVD I admit that I got my hopes up for it, but I was ultimately let down. So why do you build me up, buttercup baby, just to let me down?? *Sigh* Anyway, MAYBE worth a rent..but just MAYBE.
The Rating (5/10)