Dinosaur Valley Girls (1996)

Oh good grief..

Dinosaur Valley Girls (1996)
Directed By: Donald F. Glut (Countess Dracula’s Orgy of Blood)

The Prologue
In November the cult film Dinosaur Valley Girls got a special edition DVD release from Front Line and while the DVD set it’s self is very well put together and loaded with a lot of stuff for anyone who might like the film, the movie on the other hand is terrible.

 The Movie
Action star (if you want to call him that) Tony Markham fresh on the heels of getting things set for his next movie has dreams about a hot girl from the caveman days and after running into an old historic piece that grants wishes, wishes himself to the days of the dinosaurs just so he can meet the girl of his dreams..If that review makes this movie sound any bit fun I am deeply sorry because it sure as hell isn’t fun or funny at all.

Depending on what version of this film you see the family version or the director’s cut you end up with either a lot of boob shots or nothing at all which may or may not be the selling point to some of you but I like sizzle with my steak and if I was wanting to see bad acting and boobies I’d turn on Cinemax at 11:30 tonight instead of watching this movie.

The selling point for the film is clearly that it’s trying to pass it’s self off as an erotic film but it wouldn’t even be able to get a hard R much less anything worthy of an NC 17, so if this is suppose to be erotic it fails and just comes off as a 2nd class film with bad acting, very aged effects, and very little of what it tries to sell it’s self on. Since this got a special edition I assume someone out there apparently likes it and if that’s you then I’d love for someone to inform me of just why?

Sadly for me to see Blacula himself William Marshall has a role in this thing. As I die a little inside to see Dracula’s Soul Brother and The King of Cartoons from Pee Wee lower himself to THIS! The poor man even seems to half way enjoy what he is doing as I just try to tell myself it was nothing more than a pay check and he’s probably happy to be around topless women who speak all their lines in gibberish caveman talk..Which makes you think you’re watching grown up two year olds or some weird imported film with no brains behind it.

There sadly isn’t anything of note worth pointing out here to make this movie seem half was good at all because it just isn’t. But if you like looking at some rather attractive women from the middle 90’s with only a funny line or two through the whole film them by all means here you go, but if you have any form of taste at all you may want to avoid this thing all together.

The Conclusion
Probably the worst movie I have ever seen that has enough of a cult following to garner it’s self a two disc special edition DVD! So if anything else Front Line has made a great DVD set for a very crappy movie. One that has a whole disc of special features and comes with two versions of the film, one with nudity and one alternate version shot without it.

Great DVD set, horrible movie.

The Rating (3/10)

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