Dr. Chopper (2005)

To say this movie is bad would be to give it too big of a compliment.

Dr. Chopper (2005)
Directed By: Lewis Schoenbrun (Slaughterhouse Phi: Death Sisters)

The Prologue
Well look at what steaming pile of crap has came my way this morning! I just knew my luck of watching OK to GREAT films had run it’s course! But it comes with the job I suppose. However I guess just one look at the box for this movie and a quick look over the plot should have been enough to set off your radars for a crappy movie alert. Bear with me as I torture myself by writing about this one will you?

The Movie
Five young friends head out to the country for a weekend at the family cabin and run afoul of a group of motorcycle riding madwomen led by the sadistic, knife-wielding plastic surgeon Dr. Fielding. While the movie looks to be worth watching for the first few minutes, reality quickly kicks in and you keep hoping for the credits to roll nearly as soon as the film starts.

This film first of all is packing one of the weakest plots I have ever seen. And it results in the silly sight of young teens not being able to handle an old man who is probably near 100 and aging quick even when he doesn’t have his crazy women around him to save him. As if the logic of it all is just not lacking enough you can’t even believe a thing on screen for a single moment due to the wooden acting that is soo bad you could use cardboard people for stand-ins and get the same result.

Oh and this movie also has Costas Mandylor as a park ranger. Nice to see his stock has risen so well from the SAW movies. If this was what I had going in between making SAW films I’d be just as happy as I’m sure he is for SAW time to come around each year. I’d be begging them to keep in each of that franchise’s 823 sequels just to avoid anything more than this. Hell, I’m just a movie reviewer and I’d rather take an ass kicking than watch this film again, much less a sequel if God forbid there ever is one.

As if the cheap look and sound of the movie isn’t enough. As if the bad acting and dumb plot isn’t enough. Time and time again in this movie people are killed very easily as their friends just simply stand around watching and screaming. Perhaps it would be a lost cause but if a 100 year old man stumbles over to your friend with a knife in hand while you sit freely by watching next to them not even 2 feet away surely you’d try to lift a hand to help instead of just look horrified and scream…right?

Once the credits for this awful movie rolls you’ll be in the same boat as me asking how such things ever get made. I’ve seen some bad films in my day but this one is right up there with the worst. It’s not Hip-Hop Massacre, but it’s pretty damn close…too close.

The Conclusion
For the love of anything you hold close and dear to you, please avoid this film. You won’t like it. You will hate it. And you will hate yourself for watching it. It’s not “soo bad it’s good” it’s just BAD..bad..bad..bad. I feel like I’ve did a horrible deed to myself watching this and I really don’t want you to watch it and end up feeling the same way.

The Rating (2.5/10)