Friday the 13th: From Worst To First!

Ah yes, it’s Friday the 13th isn’t it?? I think I’ve spent mine well, I even said Happy 13th to Bub the Zombie (Of Day of the Dead fame) on Twitter! Needless to say I never let the fact it’s the 13th and a Friday stop me from doing anything because I’m not one that tends to believe in superstitions. BUT! I am a big fan of the movie Friday the 13th and since ever blog under the sun is probably doing something for today I figured I needed to as well. Now later next year I do plan on reviewing each film in the series by it’s self, however for today I’m going to simply rank each based on my enjoyment of the films. So from the original to the remake, here we go!..


12: Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
WOWzers! we are in 3-D!! I’ve never watched a steaming pile of shit in a 3rd dimension before but I guess there’s a first time for everything right?? Oh! And speaking of a first time for everything our buddy Jason get’s his hockey mask for the first time here. Anyway, we have campers, we have bikers, we have a final girl named Chris who Jason apparently tried to rape, we have Jason running and whimpering and acting soo not like Jason, we have a very good reason why the powers that be should take more than a year to come up with another idea and make another sequel!

11: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Tommy #2 is with us this time around and while it may be a new actor it seems as if he is still crazy! Oh and this whole thing takes place with a bunch of troubled teens who like to get naked..a lot, and you know what that means. Sadly I never liked this one yet it’s the one my family actually owned and had at the house..I blame this movie for the years of therapy that are sure to come. And just so you know, I mean that because of how bad I think this one is not because of what happens in it…I mean come on folks, it’s not even Jason!!

10: Jason X (2002)
Evil gets an upgrade but I get a headache because we had to deal with this before they finally gave us what we wanted with Freddy vs. Jason! There’s a clear understanding in horror that a series is at it’s end when you send them into space..or the hood. But one must get every dollar they can right??

09: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Shouldn’t this be called “Jason Takes A Boat Ride”?? Because there’s not a whole lot of Manhattan to be seen in this film. Just think how awesome it could have been had he actually been in New York for most the film?? Instead we get what we get and I wasn’t too impressed..The ending just made no sense, but if we learned anything it’s to never  let Jason have a free shot in a boxing match.

                             
08: Friday the 13th (2009)
Let this be proof that to spite what those higher up seem to think, remakes aren’t that great of an idea and they don’t make films better than their originals. Come to think of it I don’t recall a single remake better as the original. Some are good..but this one isn’t one of them in my humble opinion. It’s the same thing, not even spiced up in super charge like you get with the Halloween remake..it’s just the same damn old thing.

07: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Holy shit it’s Corey Feldman playing Tommy Jarvis! The only character not called Jason to make an appearance in three of the films, we’ll just ignore that he’s played by a different person each time..This is also the first time Paramount straight up lied to us by swearing this was to be the “Final Chapter” thank goodness I was only 1 year old at the time or I might have been pissed when the next one came out. Either way a kid named Tommy is smart enough to outsmart Jason (we never said Jason was smart) and it looks like all it cost him was his sanity..oh and his Mom to.

06: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
What we get here is the end results of a failed attempt to get Freddy Krueger involved. As what would have surely been Freddy vs. Jason a full 15 years before we actually get it! Not that it’s all bad, as Tina with psychic powers isn’t that bad of a thing, to spite the fact she looks like shes constipated when she uses her powers. Oh and we can’t forget the “sleeping bag death” that everyone loves.

05: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
The FINAL Friday?? New Line Cinema lies to us already with their first entry in the series after taking over things from Paramount. While most seem to hate this one, I can’t hate on it for trying to change things up after movie after movie of the same ol’ same ol’ . We get new members
of Jason’s family we get um..a..um..magic dagger, which can be used by a Voorhees woman to send Jason to Hell (this is the bone dagger from The Evil Dead series so that gets cool points alone) Oh and to seal it for me..we get Freddy’s glove at the end hinting at things to come..SCORE!

04: Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Let’s be honest folks, maybe it wasn’t as great as we expected it to be. Maybe we didn’t get a clear winner, cause we’ll it would be impossible to do that and keep the audience happy. But it was pretty damn cool just to finally see these two in the same movie. And we might need to enjoy it because who knows it we will ever see it happen again? Some stuff in it was horrible, some of the dialogue was so bad it made you cringe, but it’s Freddy AND Jason so I got love for it.

03: Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Hey welcome back to round 2! Don’t blink or you’ll miss our girl Alice from the first film, kinda a shame they played her out that way but I guess she wasn’t anything special anyway. But wait a minute..how did Jason get to her house?? Can he drive?? Did he walk or hitchhike??..Um..how did he know where she lived?? I don’t recall an address being yelled out when she chopped his Mom’s head off..Call me crazy but I don’t think Jason is the type to look someone up, if you know what I mean. Either way it’s five years later, more kids get killed Jason is wearing a sake over his head in true Elephant man fashion..Oh and we get possibly our smartest final girl in Ginny. Forgive me for asking but is the date actually still Friday the 13th or does that matter after part 1??

02: Friday the 13th (1980)
Hey look it’s where it all started! Here we are on Camp Crystal Lake AND the mayhem is actually going down on FRIDAY THE 13TH!! We get a pretty famous kid at the lake as Kevin Bacon plays in the film and gets killed in one of the most memorable kills from the series. Our final girl Alice, well shes your typical paint by numbers “final girl”. But the most memorable moment in the film comes at the end when Jason finally makes his presents known..Oddly enough most common folk think Jason is the killer in the one, which as we all know is wrong.

01: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Now we are talking! Tommy #3 is here and well he is played by none other than Thom Mathews (Return of the Living Dead)! It’s a given the writers just said “F-it” with how they brought Jason back this time around, but the fact they just made it soo over the top..and funny, is why I just LOVE this entry in the series! People are folded up in half, Jason is the Jason we know and love, AND we get Alice Cooper music..’nuff said.