Getting To Know The Toxic Crusaders Action Figures

We’ve spoken before about The Toxic Avenger crossing over from R rated cheesy 80’s movie to pop culture with among other things a short lived children’s cartoon. And we’ve spoke about that cartoon, The Toxic Crusaders having it’s very own action figure line but today I really want to toss the focus on that toy line.

In 1991 Playmates put out an action figure line for Toxie’s Toxic Crusaders cartoon. The figures stood all of 4 1/2 inches in height and were made in the very same style of the very popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figure line by the same company. Of course this only means one thing and that’s that the toyline was pretty awesome and even today in 2010 I still kick myself for not having an action figure of Toxie laying around my house.

According to all sources I can find, besides Toxie there were only eight other action figures in the line (not counting the extra stuff like cars and stuff) . And what the heck, why don’t we just check out these guys and get to know them a little better…

Bonehead

The Atomic Acid Rain Biker!

Radiation Type: Rawbonium 1138
Toxicity Level: Acidic
Occupation: Professional Punk
Toxic Tip: Conserve gas, so I can power my smog cycle!

I got fizzin’ fisticuffs. I got acid spit that’ll sizzle your skin. I’m Bonehead — and I’ve got the I.Q. to prove it. I’m a bad-to-the-bone biker — a streetwise guy. That means I’ll punch you out. Or run you over with my souped-up Smog cycle. I work for Dr. Killemoff — and we hate the Toxic Crusaders. They’re weird-lookin’ wimps — all of ’em. Their leader, Toxie, really makes me puke. It’s all his fault that I’m a bubblin’ bully. But I’ll get even. You see, the doc and me — we’re takin’
over. So say so long to sunshine and swimmin’ in the river — ’cause I’m here to rain on your parade — acid rain, that is.

Dr. Killemoff

The Evil Alien Leader of Apocalypse, Inc!

Radiation Type: Despotonium
Toxicity Level: Unbelievable
Occupation: Unemployed World Leader
Toxic Tip: Recyle newspapers — so you can read about me twice as much!

I am Dr. Killemoff — evil genius. For years I have built my fantastic factories (with my own four hands, I might add) on your planet, under the guise of my company Apocalypse, Inc. Using the finest in Toxic technology, I have successfully scoured the sky with smog. Why? Because I’m part cockroach — and I love to breathe fetid fumes through my Smog-sucking Back Pack. And so will you — when I complete my poisonous pollution plan. First, I’ll destroy that clean klutz Toxie and his clownish Crusaders — then Tromaville will fall. Soon after, the entire world will look like my home planet, Smogula. And every day you help me get a little further by throwing litter on the streets! Keep up the good work, kids! The waste of the world is mine! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Headbanger

The Hideous Two-headed Hero!

Radiation Type: Twintonium 112859
Toxicity Level: Double Dosage
Occupation: Mad scientist / Singing Telegram Dude
De-Tox Tip: Save water and gas — swim in car pools

My name is Fender. And my name is Bender. He’s a scientist of sorts. And he’s an idiot who won’t stop talking! Would you prefer I sing our little bio? No, shut up. Not that insidious singing of yours. I’ll tell them what they need to know. Okey-dokey, Doc. As you can tell, if you have any modicum of intellignece, we two are one. Two, two good guys in one. Hey, Doc, tell ’em about when you were working for that crazy Killemoff. I was just follwoing orders. Ah, Doc tell ’em about how we got fused together by that weird-gone-wacko Atom Smasher. Forget about that. It doesn’t matter now that we’ve made friends with Toxie. Yeah, we’re superheroes deformed hideously . Idiot, we’re hideously deformed superheroes — and since we’re do-gooders, we can get real cool chicks, like Yvonne! And fight crime, too! Right, Doc? Yes, my stupid sidekick. Now scratch my bald head. Okey-dokey, Doc, you’re the brains. But you’ll still have to pick my nose.

Junkyard

The Trashed-out Hideous Hound!

Radiation Type: Situpandbegonioum K9
Toxicity Level: High enough to play dead
Occupation: Part-time cat chaser
De-Tox Tip: Don’t be a punk – recycle junk!

It was a dark and stormy night. There I was, watch dog of the junkyard. A hobo crawled into my dog house for shelter. I licked his face. A lightening bolt sizzled the side of a Toxic Waste drum. When the Toxic Waste washed away from my house, the hobo and I were fused together! But since I’m accustomed to living the life of a dog, I seized the opportunity to walk upright. I thought that I must surely be able to find work – not only can I fetch the morning paper, but now I can read it, too! That’s how I found out about the Toxic Crusaders. I read that they fight chemical criminals in Tromaville. Since I’m a victim of pollution, I decided to join forces with the Crusaders – and use my Toxic Tongue and my Dog Bone Brainer to bring law and order back to this world of ours. And now things couldn’t be better – I’m a merry mongrel. Besides it beats chasing cars.

Major Disaster


The Plant-powered hero!

Radiation Type: Barkonium 441
Toxicity Level: Moderate
Occupation: Cockroach Killer & Horticulturist
De-Tox Tip: Be like me — plant a tree!

If you’re looking for trouble, you found it. The name’s Disaster — Major Disaster. You can call me sir. While working on a top secret military project near a bombed-out bayou, I fell into a radioactive swamp. Ever since that unfortunate accident, I’ve been growing varicose vines. When the army couldn’t find a place to plant me, I joined up with Toxie. A military mind like mine only comes in one size — hiedously deformed and super! With all my radiocactive foliage, I’m the best Earth soldier on the planet. I even have power over plants. I can make tulips tiptoe and daisies dance.

The body of my bulk is bark, so I”m ready for battle. And every time I encounter Dr. Killemoff, I wanna tear him limb from limb. That’s right — I’m the brawniest Toxic Crusader. And what’s more — I exude chlorophyll, so you know I’m good and clean. In fact, I’m someone to root for. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nozone

The Huge-Honkered Hero!

Radiation Type: Snottonium 1762
Toxicity Level: Stuffed Way Up
Occupation: Superhero, Pilot and Tissue Collector
De-Tox Tip: Don’t waste paper – reuse your tissue twice (unless it’s real yuckie)

No, I’m not eating a banana. This huge honker is the result of an environmental accident. It all started when I flew through a hole in the ozone layer and crash landed in a silo of radioactive pepper. Now I’m a hideously deformed creature of superhuman sneeze and strength. My super-sonic sneezin’ is my best weapon against the wicked ways of Dr. Killemoff. Toxie says I’m a good fighter, even though I get real nervous whenever the dirty doc is around. But I’m no geek – no matter what those kindergarten kids call me. And I got this really cool Uni-leg to zoom around on. But it doesn’t get much traction if my nose is running. So if you’re ever in trouble, try and sniff me out. I aim to sneeze.

Psycho

The Plump Pollution Prophet!

Radiation Type: Cerebellonium 72560
Toxicity Level: Mindbending
Occupation: Killemoff’s Personal Henchman & Part-time Prophet
Toxic Tip: Conserve water — Don’t wash!

I know what you’re thinking: should I collect an action fiugre that looks this gross? Well, I’m really not much different than those hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength — the Toxic Crusaders. Except I’m part machine, part human — and all bad. My mom always said you shoud do what your’e good at — and I’m good at bein’ bad. Why, I’m so bad I’ll even work for a cockroach like Dr. Killemoff. I’m his sarcastically sinister soothsayer. He never believes me, but I’m always right. I predict that you’re gonna really like me, take me home — and use me to thwart the goodness of the Toxic Crusaders. See, I told you so!

Radiation Ranger

The Nuclearized Sinister Stormtrooping Solder!

Radiation Type: Robotium 0101
Toxicity Level: Mindless
Occupation: Minion
Toxic Tip: Conserve energy so we can eat it!

Don’t think of us as strange. Think of us as your future: humorless, radioactive and cold. Some day, when Dr. Killemoff’s corporate goal has been completed, all humans will wear out atomic armour and become humanoid Radiation Rangers. It is useless to resist us: we are great in number. We breathe the pollution you create — and grow stronger every day. Nothing can destroy us — as long as the air vents to our loogey-filled lungs stay unclogged.

We may be mindless, and we may not be able to speak, but we are many. Our only task is to destroy all Toxic Crusaders, so the world will wallow in its own waste — all in the name of Dr. Killemoff — our master.

And last but no least we have Toxie himself!

Toxie

The Likeable, Lumpy-headed Hero1

Radiation Type: Heronium 332
Toxicity Level: High, Very High
Occupation: Leader of the Toxic Crusaders
De-Tox Tip: Don’t be a bottlebrain – recycle glass!

Toxie’s my name: grimefighting’s my game. I used to be Melvin Junko – a normal nerd of sub-human size and strength. But that’s all changed now. Just when my skin was clearing up, I fell headlong into Toxic Waste. And now look at me. I’m a hideously deformed hero of superhuman size and strength. But hey, don’t get me wrong – it’s not all that bad. I’m just you average creature-boy next door. Now that I’ve got the radioactive touch, I’m just oozing to clean-up this town – that’s why everyone likes me. But grimefighting doesn’t pay too well. So I do odd jobs from time to time. I once worked as a microwave oven. But when a customer threw trash under the table, my Tromatons went crazy, and I mopped up the floor with his head. But enough about me: let’s talk about you…