Glass Joe: The Champion Of Our Hearts

Everyone young and old should know the name Glass Joe! Joe who is probably one of the most recognizable names of the Punch-Out! series to spite having a 1-99-0 record. You see Joe served two real purposes to us in those video games, one was simply teaching us at a very young age that the French are pussies! And the second thing being just giving us someone so easy to beat to get things rolling in the game that even your “video game dumb” mother could pick up the controller and accidentally knock Joe out without much effort.

While on Joe’s official record it states he does have one single career win (by KO no less) I don’t believe it ever truly states who that one win came against, and for good reason as I assume the person who lost may have paid good money to cover that blooper up in the history books.

But one thing that can’t be covered up is a memory of mine that sadly is just mine alone. This memory holds an event soo shocking that nobody will even believe it when I tell it here and had I not see it myself I’d never have believed it either. You see folks, I saw someone actually lose a match to Glass Joe!..Yes..yes..I know, it’s shocking but it’s true.

Now for his sake I won’t give you the name of my friend that lost this showdown with the man who is worried more about taunting than he is punching, but it happen my freshmen year of high school in my homeroom class, which doubled as a computer class. See our computers were loaded with emulators and roms and Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! was one of those roms. Now, while one could maybe look the other way for losing to someone like Piston Honda due to having to use a keyboard instead of a controller, even that is no excuse for losing to Glass Joe in a decision, much less a KO!..But on this day, that is just what went down.

It was a cold October morning as I sit in my chair playing Tetris (it was always either that or Contra) when I heard keyboard keys being smashed at a rapid pace to my right. I looked over to see just what the trouble was, expecting to see either my friend having women issues over on the MSN Messenger (Windows Messenger now days) or perhaps to find him getting his weekly fix of Donkey Kong, but what I saw shocks me to this day..I saw my friend getting his ass handed to him by Glass freakin’ Joe? You see, not only did my friend become the only person I have ever seen lose to Glass Joe, he was CRUSHED by Glass Joe! Knocked the ‘F’ out! And just straight up embarrassed by the French pansy that was Glass Joe! After it was over he didn’t want to talk about it, but I used this moment and hung it over his head for the remainder of our high school career. Sometimes I wonder if he still doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat over the events of that day?

I mean come on now people, unless you name is perhaps, Gabby Jay? Who the heck loses to Glass Joe??

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