Horno (2009)

lol..Am I being punk’d??

Horno (2009)
Directed By: Terrence Williams (The Hood Has Eyez )

The Prologue
You know, I like when someone tries something different, I really do. But sometimes, I’m afraid it just doesn’t really work. And I’m sad to report that for me it doesn’t work that well with, Horno. Horno, isn’t a porno, a statement it hammers home a lot, even with it actually looking like one. It’s a horror film based around a bunch of adult entertainers. While I give credit for creativity, I just think this film is lacking in a lot of ways, including the running time. But hey, every movie needs a fair chance right??

The Movie
So adult movie maker, Ron, wants to do something besides just making a porno film. He talks a producer into letting him make a “horno” film, another term for a horror porn. And just what does this mastermind have in mind? A movie called, Children of the Cornholes!”. He also books a cameo by porn superstar, “Dick Nasty”, but little do they know, Dick has given a fellow actor and himself a new type of drug that just so happens to turn them into zombies. So when they show up on the set all zombied out, the shit hits the fan!

Well, Horno looks pretty grimy and cheap, a fact that is probably one of it’s best attributes as a film. Also, the acting isn’t that great, but since you’re dealing with “porn stars”, I guess you could look over that fact. The real problem with this film is the fact it just comes across too amateur for it’s own good. No, I have never made a movie myself, and yes, I know it’s a lot of hard work. The thing is this movie just really slops it’s way around and it’s not the director’s first film. At times, it seems like most the plot has been skipped and we get the same shot more then twice of an actors standing around with his “wang” out reading a paper. It’s very noticeable…not his penis, but the fact it’s the same damn shot.

Another thing that makes the film seem soo rushed is the fact it’s not even an hour long?? Now that’s getting terribly close to short film territory for me. I think a movie should be over an hour at least! Not that every movie needs to be 90 minutes, however I like 90 minutes pretty well. But I think if you’re going to have your film grouped in with every other film out there, it should at least run over an hour. Now some people are going to be like, “Thank Jesus it wasn’t even an hour!!”, but I think had you added in and extended on the things that seem skipped over you’d be way better off than what we got with the final product.

Still I won’t take a crap on this film completely, I do think it has some funny parts. It also has a gay character that looks a lot like Eli Roth, so there’s something here to get a kick out of, even if it’s not that great at the end of the day. There is a little T & A for you folks out there that love that stuff, and while it’s not the gore-feast you’d want, you do see a man get his penis bitten off..That gives you a little horror credit right? Still, I’ll have to admit I’m really disappointed in Horno as a whole due to the fact I really thought it was going to be hardcore NC-17 fun, but it wasn’t. Maybe one day the director can expand on this idea and try again.

The Conclusion
If you want to check out Horno for yourself, you can get it over MVD along with a lot of stuff I review on here. Some of you might like it anyway. After all, people watch Jersey Shore and love that? Plus, if you’re wanting to build up a giant collection of zombie films, it’s at least not as bad as the old school, I Was A Teenage Zombie.

The Rating (3/10)