The Last House on the Left (2009)

Martha MacIsaac?? NOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!

The Last House on the Left (2009)
Directed By: Dennis Iliadis (Hardcore)

The Prologue
Remakes are strange strange creatures aren’t they? The studio feels something needs to be done “fresh” so they go and pick out movies that most people already love and have them be remade and that is just asking for trouble. If you make a straight up remake people are going to say it’s just the same as before and that they wanted something more. If you go too far off the page adding in new elements you face backlash as well. So needless to say finding the right mix in a remake is something Hollywood has yet to really do.

So this brings us to the remake of The Last House On The Left. The original was a movie that was so uneasy to watch, so disturbing that I tossed in our “Hell In A Hand basket” group on this site. So when they said the remake was coming I knew right then it had some big shoes to feel. Not that The Last House On The Left was the greatest movie ever, but in this day and age the shock value of what happens was on a level so high you could never truly remake it and still have it get seen in theaters.

So with a fresh approach and little adding in here and tweaking there how does the remake of Last House On The Left measure up?

The Movie
Well for those of you who may live in a cave and have never heard of or seen the original Last House On The Left the story is about a group of crazy convicts who while on the run kidnap two dumb girls and torment them only to later seek shelter in the house of one of the girls..And in the remake I am sad to say the girls are still just as dumb as they were in the original. Now I am not a pot smoker, nor have I ever smoked it, but if I did I just don’t think I’d be going into people I don’t knows room to get it…That’s how people get raped and killed ya know?

However my sympathy level for the girls go up X’s 10 when I see that one of the girls (Paige) is being played by Martha MacIsaac!!??..Oh NO!!! Not HER!! Don’t make me watch HER being done this way!!..I stand behind no man in my love for Katy Perry but if I had a #2 it would be Martha MacIsaac hands down..Allow me a moment to sulk in a corner over what I’m about to see……………OK!

One thing I do like about this movie is where in the original you hear that Krug and his crew have escaped from Police custody and all that, this time around we actually get to see it happen. There’s a few things that while just spoke of in the original you see this time, so that adds up points to me. Also Krug’s kid Justin isn’t a addict this time just a stoner who is terrified of his Dad so that’s somewhat better I suppose, it’s not as weird/uneasy to watch.

What I don’t like about this film is that everybody is a freakin’ GQ model! I can see why the two girls have to be hot, hell I guess it serves it’s purpose having Krug’s kid be OK looking. But why must Krug and Francis look like they just walked off the cover of a magazine or GAP ad?? I think the stuff that went down in the original worked out soo much better because you don’t have pretty people doing all the awful stuff.

So to sum it all up the torture of the girls, and the revenge at the end isn’t on the same level as the original. Sure it’s not fun to see but it’s nowhere near as horrible. I guess these days it couldn’t have been and still been placed on the big screen. So while it’s not a bad movie, it just isn’t going to kick anyone in the gut in the same fashion that the original one does. BUT! that being said it’s not a bad remake.

The Conclusion
Better sizzle this time around but just not the big steak that the original was. Wes Craven can at least be happy the remakes of his films (Like The Hills Have Eyes) have so far been OK films. Probably the best remakes of the bunch, however that’s not saying much. Lets just all hope this streak continues heading into the remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street

If you’ve seen the original first, then this will come across as The Last House On The Left Lite but it’s a fairly fun film to see regardless of what poor Martha MacIsaac goes through.

The Rating (6.5/10)