It’s all the lameness of the early 2000’s alive and well in 2005!
The Nun (2005)
Directed By: Luis de la Madrid
Still dipping into some Nun business here with The Nun, or as another country calls it, La Monja. Which I’m not sure what that means but I wouldn’t be shocked if it was code for, “steaming pile of shit”. Maybe this movie has a well known actor or two in it. It may have a pretty OK editor involved as well. But this one sure as heck tanked in the warm and friendly eyes of Chuck Conry (that’s me). I would almost suggest showing this movie to your child as a form of punishment… Just figured I’d share that with you before I get into this review.
A group of teenage girls are terrorized by Sister Ursula, a nun that believes she must rid the world of all sin. After Sister Ursula mysteriously disappears, the Catholic school is shut down. Many years later, the women, all grown up, are terrorized by a ghostly nun. The daughter of one of the women sets out to find out what happened all those years ago. And you may even find yourself a little bored and falling asleep at times too, can’t leave that out now can we? Did I tell you that this Nun comes after you IN WATER!!!?? Oh geez!..I’m soo soo afraid!
Looking at the cover of this one should show you all you need to know about it. Notice how it’s in the same style of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Final Destination, and so on and so forth? Well, it’s like your typical early 2000’s teen horror film. Only it lamer and topped off with the most annoying accents I have ever heard. I mean here’s one time I’d have to say forget the English and just dub the damn thing. Perhaps if they did that it would have been less annoying. Yet somehow, I still doubt it. Sorry for my lack of confidence and my hurtful words toward this film, it’s just THAT underwhelming.
Soo the movie gets pretty bad at times and it gets pretty corny for my taste with it’s slow-ish pace and it’s moments of stuff happening that just doesn’t do a darn thing for you. I thought the CGI was horrible and I laughed my ass off at the CGI Nun. If anything at least it didn’t start off dragging too much. But that soon passes as things then get somewhat boring and people are brought in and then off’d in a far too quick pace. And let me assure you the jibber jabber between our annoying teens in between does this one no favors what so ever.
I guess we could give it some points for at least not looking that cheap. Even if the CGI leaves a lot to be desired. The film even tries to get clever with it’s ending but I feel it bombs BIG time and goes over to the viewer about as well as a fart in church! I don’t know who’s big idea that was but I bet foolishly they were proud of themselves for it at the time. I hope now, all of six years later, they have seen the error of their ways or at least been poked fun of for it enough times that they just gave it up and went back to flipping burgers somewhere. Hate to be THAT harsh, but it’s just THAT bad.
It bored me and at the end I was shaking my head in shame. So with all that being said, there is no reason what so ever for you nice folks to watch this thing here. Skip it, run away from it, and if someone ever buys it for you or you get it free, use the disc as a coaster. At least that way this horrible film would then find some sorta use.
The Rating (4/10)