Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

Something hairy about this one *rim shot*

Werewolves on Wheels (1971)
Directed By: Michel Levesque (Cannonball!)

The Prologue
What does one get themselves into while sitting down to watch a film from 1971 called, Werewolves on Wheels? Well, not much I’m afraid to say. Coming out of the 60’s (man) you can only imagine just what type of “far out” stuff this one would pack. And the combo of free love, devil worshipers, bikers, and werewolves, is a combo that just doesn’t mix well together. I believe the pro wrestling lingo for it would be, it’s a bit of a “Styles clash”. I sit bored, I sit face palming myself at times, but I managed to sit through the whole thing damn it!! Can I please win some award for doing just that now?? Huh?? Plllleaaaase??

The Movie
A biker gang visits a monastery where they encounter black-robed monks engaged in worshiping Satan. When the monks try to persuade one of the female bikers, Helen, to become a satanic sacrifice the bikers smash up the monastery and leave. The monks have the last laugh, though, as Helen, as a result of the satanic rituals, is now possessed and at night changes into a werewolf, with dire results for the biker gang. Also after you’ve read that, please don’t get too excited now, there’s nothing really of note to see here. I found it to be a rather boring ride myself, man.

Not sure what type of drugs you’d have to be on in order to really enjoy or get the full on feel for this one, but I’d bet they aren’t cheap and require you to talk to some man missing teeth in a back ally to get. The sad truth is, there just isn’t that much fun to be had following a group of bikers roll through the desert acting like children and embarrassing and terrorizing everyone they come across. Also while I’m not at all dissing that life style, it is a bit weird to see these manly men of bad ass ways be more worried about trying to kiss each other than they are punching anyone who’s a real threat to them. I think the leader of the gang, Adam, might just assume do something ELSE with his gang rather than lead them..Just an observation.

The only real thing of note I find in this film is the creepy imagery and occult feel it has at times. But even that gets buried up under our weird bikers and their annoying ways. One particular biker that goes by the name of, Tarot, (He likes messing with tarot cards who’d guess it?) is played by Gene Shane who looks like a young Will Patton of Remember the Titans fame, and I’d have bet money that they were the same person had I not looked it up. Either way, he gives a pretty good performance as a “far out dude” who just wants to get to the desert and clear his head. I guess if there was a bright spot to this mess one could very well say it was him. God bless you hippie man, you almost made it watchable.

So needless to say this movie was a disappointment to me, not that I had high hopes going in for a movie with a title like, Werewolves on Wheels. But I guess when I myself ride that giant Harley (I don’t ride a bike of any kind btw) into the sky, just having seen something as ridiculous as this might be good on the resume. There’s no real horror, the wolves themselves look OK, but there’s no real reason to watch this. If it came on TV late one night and you were drunk and bored it might be worth seeing, but it sure isn’t under any regular circumstances. So this is an oldie I MUST insist you save yourself the frustration of and just skip it.

The Conclusion
This one made my head hurt and if you ignore my warning and watch it I’m willing to bet it’ll make yours hurt as well. There’s only soo much of “bad” a man watching a movie can take and at times this one pushes that limit. As noted above, the only bright spots are a hippie biker with tarot cards and a weird occult vibe that plays out and gets overridden by the fruity bikers…blah!

The Rating (4.5/10)